Sinful Phone Slut - September 30th, 2005

Last Saturday was very traumatic and it's all the dog's fault. It was dumping buckets of rain from the periphery of Hurricane Rita. But I don't mind going out in the rain because I have a fancy umbrella courtesy of a small dick humiliation caller. Well the little rat bastard is out there prancing around and taking his sweet time and then all of a sudden he slips his collar and makes a beeline for the bottom of the house. He worked his way deep into the freaky-looking crawlspace and started barking and whining. I spent about close to an hour trying to cajole, order and trick him into coming back out. I was barely dressed, utterly drenched and getting really worried about him. The underside of this house has all kinds of mysterious pipe-type things lurking under there and I thought maybe he was stuck in one and getting asphyxiated. So finally I decide I need to shimmy my ass under the house and drag him out. By this time I am one pouty phone slut, on the verge of tears and chock full of self pity I get down on my hands and knees and start to gingerly creep in when I feel something unpleasant. I look down and I am crawling with fire-ants.

Now I'm all for phone sex torture (call me, I'll show you) but the real kind is just not nice. Fire ants swarm you and then they all attack at once. I had these huge welts all over and they hurt but what was worse was they itched like the devil, too. Spanking welts are much nicer because they look pretty and they don't itch. I was starting to rip the clothes off my body before I was even all the way inside. Luckily there's a shower right next to the side door. I had been wondering what kind of crazy hillbilly thought that was an appropriate bathing location but apparently it was a hillbilly who knew a thing or two about fire-ants.

I had to go back outside to holler at the dog for subjecting me to all that trauma but he still wouldn't come back out. I finally heard something hissing and figured out why he was under there. So I left him to munch on that cat, or whatever it was, and went back inside to pout. I missed an hour call with one of my favorite fucktoys, too. He was waiting for me with a giant dildo and a finger of ginger. So much for the ass figging that was on the agenda. The dog sauntered out a couple hours later and I found him on the porch calmly waiting to come back in.

Bastard.

Then the little heathen faked an injury to his paw which meant I couldn't really hold much of a grudge. He looked so pitiful hobbling around the house, not putting any weight on his front paw, that I had to coddle him even though I was really the innocent party. I found out the next day that he was exaggerating the extent of the injury. I kid you not. He would, putting no weight on his right front paw, whenever he was in my eyesight. When he'd get about six feet away from me or turn a corner, he'd start trotting on all fours again. I think he's almost as devious as I am. That's a scary thought.

Okay, so here's the deal. This is a very limited special that's only intended to give me a chance to work out my lingering fire-ant issues. Do you have somebody you'd like to see me torment? Do you know a bratty babysitter, slutty student or a teenage cocktease? Maybe your hot mom or your slut wife or your bitchy boss? Let me rape & torture them and maybe even sprinkle some fireants in for good measure. I'll give you five free minutes on any call length (can't be combined with any other special). This phone sex special is good for the next week.

And speaking of phone sex specials, Phone Sex Utopia will be hosting The October Fuck Fest for the next month. There will be other specials, a different one for each day of the week. So if rape and torture isn't your gig, I'm sure we can come up with some other kinky topic.

Yes, I am going through Erika withdrawals, too. Thanks for asking. I think I'm going to drive up to New Orleans, now that they're starting to open it back up and try to find some kind of voodoo charm to bring my favorite kinky,titalicious phone sex slut back from the dead. I wonder if they'll make me an anatomically correct voodoo doll of her? If so, I'm going to be spending a lot of hours molesting it.

I shouldn't joke about voodoo too much. Lauren and I went and saw The Skeleton Key a few weeks ago and it kind of creeped me out. It didn't seem to bother me much at the time we watched it. I thought it was entertaining but utterly predictable. But ever since then the idea of hoodoo is creeping me out and I keep eyeing all these cajuns more warily than normal. What if one of them wants to hijack the Sinful body? I could totally see that happening.

Bobknob, the bukake fiend with the monster cock, has been especially good to me this week. He squirted his cum all over me three times and then he went out and bought the Sims 2 Nightlife Expansion Pack from my wishlist. I am so going to make me a Bobknob Sim once it gets here and he's going to be a real player. He's going to have 30 telephones scattered around his house so he can call me up for cum-drenched phone fucking all the time. Actually Bobknob Sim can just show up and WooHoo me in the princess bed. I think that would be even better. Can I be a bukake whore and still keep the princess sheets clean? We're going to have to discuss that because clean princess sheets are imperative.