Sinful Phone Slut

Happy, actually.

2006-04-21T14:27:02Z

I am all smiles today.

Well, mostly smiles. I can't completely abandon my trademark sneer just because I'm being showered with wonderful things. That would be fickle and I, as a matter of practice, am only fickle when it comes to men. But it has been a good week, despite that nasty bit of tax business. Brigitte has been out of town for several days so I have been having scads of fun fucking her guys. Don't worry, fellas, I won't name names.

I am counting the days until the move and every time it creeps one day closer, I feel like dancing. Actually, I have been dancing more, too, since I finally found a decent place to go dancing here. My friend Janie and I spent yesterday in Texas, which reminded me that things can always get worse. I got a 90 minute massage yesterday afternoon and you can imagine what that has done for my temperament.

A filthy cocksucker I know and love bought me a digital camera and I have been taking pictures like mad. I can spend hours wandering around the photography section of a museum, especially the black and white sections or anywhere with night photography. It drives me crazy that I don't have enough artistic talent to snap a halfway decent picture myself. My pictures are really bland, but I am determined to change that.

Petunia sent me a whole pile of books, including Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, which I have been dying to read. There is also one called Good Wives, Nasty Wenches & Anxious Patriarchs. As a bit of a nasty wench myself, you know I'm going to love that one.

Benedict Arnold got me those drawer liners I have been wanting forever AND my favorite new sex toy. If you've heard a mysterious buzzing sound while we've been on the phone lately, this is the source. Seriously, this thing is awesome and I highly recommend it to anyone looking to buy a present for a special girl. It hits my g-spot perfectly. It may look a little strange in the picture, but in person it is adorable. The translucent pink color is really pretty.

That Guy With the Freakishly Huge Balls sent me the most rocking pair of white gold diamond hoops. I swear, I will never complain about his enormous cock tearing me up again. Ever, ever, ever. Okay, that last part isn't true. I always complain.

Pretty Ruby and I have been going on a clothes bender together. I am picking out beautiful clothes for her to wear and she has been surprising me with lots of gorgeous clothes, too. I think my new bikini is the hottest swimsuit I've ever owned. It has these great pink and white and lavender stripes. It's working wonders helping me churn out blue balls all over Louisiana.

Oh and I got two other presents that didn't come with names on them. You boys need to call me and tell me who you are so I can give you appropriate doses of gratitude and whisper hot, dirty things in your ears.

Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, Candyman

2006-03-19T21:06:31Z

Little Miss Brigitte looks and sounds like walking talking jailbait. Most varieties of sexual perversion are given a free pass at Mardi Gras, but even there people seem to take a dim view of statutory rape. It was great fun getting the evil eye from hopped up tourists every time I reached over to fondle my little blonde moppet. I mean, yeah, I get carded for liquor, but Brig gets carded for a PG-13 movie.

Oh and for the record? Those hyper little girl cumming noises she makes are utterly authentic and even louder in person. Every time I fucked her, I was worried some good Samaritan was going to come
bursting through the door to rescue her.

Obviously the best part of Brigitte's visit was fucking her. But boy fucking with her was a close runner up. Little Miss Thing is absolutely terrified of ghosts, right? We're talking whimpering, lip-biting, quivering-in-her-tiny-pink-bunny rabbit-panties terrified. And me? Uh, yeah, not so much. So we're sitting in our hotel room one night (that one of the two hottest, sweetest men on the planet sponsored for us) and she's telling me about all the ghosts that have had the pleasure of haunting her. I scoff bethcause, frankly, she's being a little ridiculous. Damn did she turn feisty fast! She ordered me not to say that I don't believe in ghosts, because that would cause them to take an interest in me. I very patiently explained to her that if there is
such a thing as a ghost, I'd love to have one take an interest in me. I think that could be a rollicking good time. She pitched such a fit about this that I decided to back off and let her have
her way.

That resolve didn't last long. The next day she and I were tripping around one of the New Orleans cemeteries and I just couldn't resist the opportunity to get me a spook of my own. I started talking out loud, explaining that I didn't believe in ghosts but that if there were any such thing, I dared them to haunt me. I double dared them. I even tried to entice them by telling them about my fabulous panty drawer, in case there were any of the poor dead beasties were kinky in their former lives. All my taunting paid off.

Briggite nutted up. Oh my God, it was great. I love her temper tantrums. She puts her hands on her hips and she stomps around with her teeny tiny feet and I think I may have seen her hop up and down once or twice. She was huffing and puffing so hard I actually thought she might blow my house down. A couple days later when we were driving home, I started trying to do Candyman in the rear view
mirror. I had to consult her for advice. Oh the fun just never stops.

I know the whole princess thing is overplayed, especially by phone sluts. But I must qualify as some form of royalty or deity because I get spoiled like you wouldn't believe.

First there is Benedict Arnold Chris. I'm starting to feel a tad guilty about that nickname, given the way he's been lavishing me with presents. Most recently, he got me the prettiest Mikasa Cheers glasses so that my friends and I can look fancy when we get all liquored up, some black honey lip gloss, and the book I am currently reading, Anansi Boys by Neil Gaman. It's fabulous, by the way. He also put Brig & I up at a great hotel in the French Quarter. Have I mentioned how much I love this guy? Best of all, he bought me a huge, gorgeous ebony and silver mirror. That's the second divine mirror one of my customers has purchased for me. I spend a really obscene amount of time playing Mirror Mirror on the Wall and making them tell me how beautiful and luscious I am.

How pathetic do you have to be to keep buying me presents long after I have cut you off from doing calls with me? Petunia instant messages me frequently, wheedling for spare scraps of attention. I just ignore him. Last week he got a little desperate and tried to buy his way into my good graces. He bought some dogs bones, a little dog bowl and a doggie book. I think he wants to be my new slut puppy. Too bad for him that role is already filled out quite nicely.

John Thumper, porn star extraordinaire, spoiled me with my favorite L'Occitane lavender amber room perfume. It was a pretty clever gift because now every time I walk into my sweet-smelling room, I think of him. Good thing he's such a sexy porn star and not one of those skeevy, stringy-haired ones.

Ruby is a frilly, old-fashioned girl with a pronounced southern drawl. She flounces around her house in layers of cream colored lace and opera-length gloves with pearl buttons. She's straight out of Gone With the Wind, well, except for the whole sissy part. As if that weren't enough to make me love her, she has made it her mission to take care of my beauty needs. She has makeup box all stocked up with eye pencils, lipsticks, foundation, eyeliner and all those other girly necessities. We have gobs of fun when we play dress up together!

Tom Thumb has been going on a lot of Samantha benders, lately. I guess life is hard when you're a short, revolting fuck that no hot girl like me would ever touch. Recently I've been forcing him to tribute me anywhere from about $200 - $500. A perfect 10 like me should be able to saunter up to a genetic defect like him at any time and levy additional short taxes at whim.

Daddy Trent is soooo good to his spoiled brat. He bought me a really pretty new backpack that my laptop fits in just perfectly! And you know what else? I think he knows me a little too well. He must have gotten tired of me saying I'm never at my computer because it hurts my wrists to type too much because he went and bought me this really fancy trackball thingy he insisted would fix all my problems. hehe Now I'm going to have to confess to Daddy that I'm just a lazy lil slut who spends my free time reading and lolling around on my hammock waiting for my phone to ring.

The Cad upped the present ante big time. I mean, I loved the last presents a whole bunch. But then he got me the shiny black Italian leather wallet I'd been drooling over and I swear I creamed my panties. He tends to have that effect on me.

Philip up and tributed me $30 yesterday, even though I haven't been around to do a call with him in ages. Do you know why? Because I'm a Goddess. I think I'm going to have to actually give him a little attention and get my hands on more of his money. He's such a vulnerable little thing.

See Mr. I? Not a word about what you did this time. It's our little secret. Well, yours, mine and Visa's.

Nutter.

2006-03-10T07:52:10Z

I know I'm long overdue for a really substantive update. You want Mardi Gras details, you want Brigitte details, you want gratitude for all the presents you've bought my greedy ass. Some of you even want to know what makes Jerome so fascinating.

Well, all of that is going to have to wait for another night. There's something else I want to talk about. It's Bill O'Reilly.

He's a fucking nut.

Not that this is anything new of course; I realize that it isn't. But everytime I turn around, he has ratcheded up his crazy to a whole new level. Where will it end? It's disturbing.

I'm kind of tempted to call him up and tell him so on air. But he might sic the Fox Security team on me, a tactic he's recently developed to deal with uppity callers. Worse yet, he might want to have phone sex with me. Rumor has it, he has a predilection. While I am willing to have phone sex with donkey dick suckers, smurf fetishists and, yes, Republicans, a girl has to draw the line somewhere.

So I guess I'm just going to sit back and point and laugh at Bill O'Reilly as he sinks deeper and deeper into the gigantic sea of nuttiness. For those of you with a more proactive bent, I highly recommend taking a peek at one of my favorite new websites: Calling All Wingnuts.

I think it's time for a new special. I'm feeling so generous that I'm going to give you two offers this week.

A: Tell me that you called up Bill O'Reilly's radio show at 877-966-7746 between the hours of 12pm - 2pm Eastern Time to extol the virtues of Keith Olbermann. I'll give you 5 free minutes with the purchase of any call ten minutes or longer. This offer is good now through March 17th.

B: Like to role play? You be horny Bill O'Reilly and I'll be a ticked off producer who punishes you. Buy a 30 minute call with this role play and get 10 minutes free. This offer is good now through eternity.

The Brigitte Chronicles

2006-03-04T17:46:50Z

I finally had to update the Sinful Phone Slut website. It does look fabulous, doesn't it? And no, I wasn't particularly bothered by all the slanderous things that tart Brig wrote on the front page. I actually think it's cute when she gets all feisty.

I have to say, I was very happy with the design of the page, but the temporary page text she put up for me was really disturbing. First of all, it made me sound way too sweet and bubbly. She sprinkled three to four exclamation points over every couple of sentences, for God's sake. I am just not that enthusiastic. But most beastly of all, she used the word 'earge'. Can anyone tell me what the hell that is? Surely she didn't just make it up, did she? I've an urge to throttle the little twit, but so far, I'm resisting. After all, I do like the poor challenged little thing.

Brig & I have had a great time at Mardi Gras, and yes, fucking her has been divine. She tastes good, she sounds hot and she looks perfect when she's sprawled, exhausted, on my bed post-cum. But there have been a few problems already. First of all, she has pink luggage.

Pink luggage is just antisocial. Good breeding dictates that I grab at least one of her suitcases when I pick her up at the airport, right? Unfortunately, I refuse to be seen hauling around that big lunk of pink bubblegumminess so the little tart had to struggle with them all herself.

And also? I swear to God, her suitcase is the same exact shade of pink as her pussy. I'm all for accessorizing, but that's just ridiculous.

I know I haven't been around much this week and I realize it's traumatizing the fuck out of you guys. I'll be taking a few calls late Wednesday & Thursday nights from the hotel. E-mail me if you're desperate and I'll try to fit you in. Otherwise I'll be back Friday night.

Oh and since I have done my part and updated my journal, now it's your turn to do something nice for me. Click here to vote for me on Phone Sex Central. Just type in the code & hit enter. You never know. If you boys vote me high enough, I may come back and update again. You can vote every four to five hours, so get your asses in gear and I'll write soon about all the little whores I've been fucking lately, like Jerome. God, I can't wait to tell you about his ass.

What the hell is a schub?

2005-12-16T19:03:00Z

Do you know what a schub is? You can try looking it up in the dictionary, but I don't think you'll find an appropriate definition. See, a schub is a prissy, panty-clad sissy in possession of a really fabulous rolling pin. And a really good schub, say the one I got my hands on recently, will be happy do do dirty things with that rolling pin. Christmas cookies are never going to be the same. I wonder if Wikipedia will let me upload my definition of shub? I may have to give that a try...

Pass the earplugs, please.

2005-12-02T14:48:40Z

Santa's going to be a very busy man this year because I am giving him one big fat wish list. Know what's right there at the very tip top? Earplugs. I still haven't found an effective way to stop Lauren from singing, and I am this close to snapping. So yesterday she starts warbling, at the top of her lungs, “I ain't no Harlem black girl!” I'm not making this shit up. I finally had to take matters into my own hands. “Fuck, Lauren, it's supposed to be hollaback girl, not Harlem black girl, you twit” She looked dumbfounded. How can you get that song wrong?

I finally got my crack at The Stranger and it was sure worth the wait! It took us a little while to get our schedules to mesh so I made it up to him by showing my daddy exactly how I tease the boys at school. But you know why it's better to tease Daddy than to tease teenage boys? Cause a daddy is man enough to pound his high school girl's hot pussy nice & hard!

I woke up from my winter nap to hear that heavenly voice murmuring, “Hello, shortcake” in my ear. Mmmmm. I stretched with a lazy smile and thought I should always wake up this way. A little Dean in the morning is even better than, say, a Caramel Macchiato in bed.

I have naughty callers, I have dirty callers, I have wicked boys and I adore them. There is one caller, though, who is actually nauseating. Luckily there's just one. This would be petunia, the piss pig professor. In honor of our one year anniversary today, it jackhammered its tattered little pussy with, well, a hammer. Oh and it dunked its head, open-mouthed, into a toilet full of its own piss. Charming, right? It is rather amusing, though, having something to break down like that. Y'all ought to try it sometime.

One of my long time sluts called me today from Jerusalem. I got a kinky thrill out of facesitting a boy in the holy land. I am so going to hell! I'll have to take him with me, because he gives great body worship.

Two of my favorite cuckolds and one brand new one got a little Samantha slut action this week. First was Jody, who played the ballerina cuckold, forced to stand there in a tutu and tights as the only real man in the room worked me over with his big rod. Later I tortured my new husband by fucking his best man & all four groomsmen right before I walked down the aisle. When he kissed his bride for the first time, he could taste all their cum on my tongue.

This morning I got to know this guy with a little pickle dick and a soft, quivery voice. He said he suspects his girlfriend is banging other guys in their bed. He finds cumstains on the sheets on an almost daily basis. They're not his, he never gets pussy. Oh yeah, you're quite the detective, pal.

Toddles

2005-11-30T18:46:35Z

I miss Toddles. That's my new nickname for you, pumpkin. Do you like it?

Pssst...you all want to know a secret about him? And this is totally top secret stuff. He actually knows exactly what to do with a haughty bitch. He puts me in my place. And I like it, too. Ever so much. Here's hoping I get a spanking for calling him Toddles.

The Maids Are Coming!

2005-11-30T10:50:49Z

It's Wednesday! Eeeee!

To understand my joy, you must know that today is cleaning day. I have my maids coming to vacuum and scrub and dust and do all those other dirty nasty things for which my hands are way too pretty. They'll be all sweaty and crusty and I'll be sitting at my vanity painting my fingernails. That makes me smile.

Is that bad?

I woke up to a crossdresser in red, all decked out to my specifications, with two toys ready to go. This is how all mornings should start off: a horny voice in my ear and a hard fucking to mutual orgasm. It was our first playtime, but I hope it's not our last. Morning fun like that helps counteract the negative effects of sunshine.

Then came the cock cam. Billy Club cock cam to be more exact! I love when you guys let me watch you jack off for me! It doesn't happen nearly often enough. Billy has a pair of really big, bouncing lickable balls. I resisted the urge to lean over and lick them, but only because I don't think my monitor would taste nearly as good as he would. We will most definitely be doing this again.

Next on my dance card? Bitchy teen phone sex. I was working late at the ice cream parlor when this dirty old man came in to leer at me. Naturally I spent a good twenty minutes taunting him with every exposed inch of my perfect body. I even made myself a nice big strawberry cone so he could watch my tongue lapping action. I sauntered over to him, cone in hand and a sacharine smile on my lips. When I put my hand on his crotch, he about exploded. Did he really think I'd suck his dick? Hahaha. Fuck no, it wasn't nearly up to my standards. I just thought he could use a little ice cream, too. Can you see me standing there smirking, with his little prick dipped in that cone? That's when the fun really started...

Little Girly Boy has been having the kind of adventure all pansies crave. A hot co-worker of his keeps telling him how good he would look in women's clothing. She's completely right, of course. I've dressed LGB on several occasions and he turns out adorable. He was the first feminization call I ever did, back when I was a baby slut, and he's still just as much fun to play with today.

Pity the poor cop sent over to my slumber party to enforce the neighborhood noise ordinance. Mr. Mick was standing there, trying to be stern as he popped a big boner at the sight of all those fresh teenage bodies crammed into tight-fitting t-shirts and pastel thongs. We just giggled and tugged him inside to play with us. I'm sure you can just imagine how that ended up! (Hint: we found the law is actually very, very flexible)

The Cad and I spent an hour chatting, bickering, teasing and laughing before he decided I got a bit too sassy and tried to throw me over his lap for a hard spanking. Um, yeah, that's it. He tried to throw me over his lap for a spanking, but do I really look like the kind of girl who would go down easily?

The entry where for some mysterious fucking reason all of my links are jacked up.

2005-11-29T13:10:41Z

I started this entry when I was in the bathtub, thinking that would make it easier to coax me into writing. But I was fresh out of bubbles -- I'd used the last few droplets of lime sherbert bubble bath earlier that morning after a grueling hour and a half of tennis with Adri -- so I didn't end up sticking around long enough to write much. I used to play tennis at least every other day and I think it's time I started that up again. I need to be able to go all She-Ra on Erika when I get to see her again.

After I wrote that last paragraph I started thinking about my beloved Princess of Power. I was three years old when I discovered She-Ra, the ultimate cartoon super heroine, and oh, how I loved her! I used to plan these elaborate fantasy scenarios where I was She-Ra. There's an old video tape and far too many photos (none of which any of you will ever see, so don't even ask) where I am trotting around, waving my pretty sword and making sure my cape flutters just so. Yeah, I was vain, even then. I remember them as having yanked her from the air really suddenly and just as I was getting into her. I think I was pretty bitter.

I've just had an epiphany. I think Erika is She-Ra reincarnated. You've got two tall, blonde, boobalicious Amazon Goddesses with breathy, sultry voices. I give my heart to them, and they go all AWOL on me. If Erika doesn't get her ass back to Utopia soon, I am totally scrapping my plan to dress up as her next Halloween.

I know I haven't been around much the past week either and I'm sorry for leaving you guys, and especially your dicks, hanging. Blame it on a sudden burst of holiday spirit or holiday spirits anyhow. I've always avoided eggnog like the plague, mostly on the basis of it's unsavory name. I hate eggs and anything eggy. Nog doesn't sound especially appetizing either. Yet, shockingly, eggnog is pretty yummy and kind of potent, too. All in all, I had a good weekend if rather on the dick-less side of things. Now we need to fix the dickless part.

Toward that end, I'm going to throw a special all today & tomorrow, for both new and existing callers. Buy any call over 15 minutes and get 5 minutes free. Buy a 40 minute call and get 10 minute free. You do have to ask for this special when you call.

Bobert revealed himself as my Lush benefactor. He's such a good little muppet. All those presents and he gives good cuckold, too. We did a role play with Lea where she was his current girlfriend and I was his spiteful uberslut of an ex. When I discovered we were all at the same party, I coaxed her into fucking a few real men and then lured him into the back bedroom to watch. Once a cuckold, always a cuckold.

Wolfie splurged on a new cam so the cock shows are even better than ever. Now I can see every detail, like the way his balls tense up right before he's about to blow that load of cum all over himself. I know it's not nice to lord all my glorious Wolfie cock cam over you poor Wolfie-deprived boys and girls. I'm not a nice girl, though, so let me just say: nah nah na na nah.

Big Joe and I had an extra special treat on Halloween night. We did something that I have never, ever done with a caller before. Pretty exciting, right? We had three way phone sex! And not with one of the Utopia girls, either. We had it with my friend, Tony! We spent an hour teaching Big Joe just how mind blowing real grade A man meat can be. Turns out BJ is a naturally talented cocksucker. Who'd have thought?

John: Look, I'm updating! So now you know what you have to give me, right? Oh and by the way, it constantly amazes me the fun twists and turns your delicious mind comes up with for our role plays. You're as inventive as you are sexy. Yum!

The Mouth did a call with Caitlan and me a while back. It was fun, but he always is. He's so silly and cute at the same time. He's the boy who slaps a “kick me” sign on his own back and races around in front of all the bullies because he craves the attention.

One of my favorite all time sluts, Steven, popped back up again. He's such a nosy little thing. You should never follow the woman in red out of a party and drink the full glass of wine she conveniently sets in your path and sneak into the locked room into which she disappears. That's just begging for trouble. That's just begging to be transformed into Stephanie.

Poor Steven / Stephanie never stood a chance. Redheads are irresistible. A new guy recently called to fuck me because a little redhead in his glass was driving him crazy horny. We staid behind and did it on the professor's desk. The teacher only wishes he had a pet like me.

Certain uptight, holier-than-though bitches will just never learn their lesson, will they, M? How many bras will you have to burn before they understand that they are sluts and they have to dress like sluts? And you don't know this yet, but sister-in-law is planning to send her son away to military school to put an end to his part in the perversion. Are you going to stand for that?

Have you ever had a dick that you don't want to fuck – and I mean really don't want to fuck – but it keeps ending up inside you anyway? Yeah? Well, that's Brian. I keep telling him it's too shriveled up and unseemly and he keeps holding me down and popping it in me anyway. How many times am I going to have to roll my eyes and ask, “Are we there yet?”

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum is Chris. I know he does more than his fair share of the brainstorming, but he comes up with perfect role play, time after time. He really knows how to bring out the wanton hussy in me. Sometimes I even get horns! Also, I love the way he says my name.

Hi, Benedict Arnold Chris. This is the one about you. Yes, you have turned traitor on me, but I love you anyhow. I've heard all about the plans you've been hatching with Herself the whorish Elf, but I'll fuck you anyway. You're almost as wicked as me and I love that quality in a man. Have you figured out if your fiancée is wicked or wholesome yet? Show me those blue balls of yours on cam when you get back from vacation and I'll help you decide.

I am vixen, hear me purr. Or sample one of my lap dances and melt right at my pretty little stripper feet. I'm the best, right, Franc?

When I'm not sashaying around in my hooker boots, I'm probably ripping my tattered clothing off my body. No, I didn't get to be She-Ra but I got to be another hot Superhero girl and that's always a great way to play. Thanks for another fun time, E!

The ashtray faggot has about 3 more days left before he's do for his next call. I have something special planned for him, too. Here's hoping the entertaining little toy has a full pack on him.

A couple of my friends and I made a man at a bar tie up his girlfriend. Then he was forced to display every one of her delectable charms for our enjoyment. He squirmed as I tickled his heavy balls but he really went wild when he watched pretty Ann get impaled on two giant cocks. He had to clean up his own mess, though, because Ann was very busy for a very long time.

Cock teasing any man is fun, but cock teasing Daddy is what I live for. I'm the teenager who drives Daddy wild then climbs up on top and takes all the cum I teased him into making. Every last drop. Yay, cum! Thanks, Daddy!

Then there was me playing Mommy. My teenage son caught me at the vet's office where I worked, being a very, very bad mommy.

I think Jeff's ass gets sluttier every time something slides up inside there. If things keep progressing on schedule, he'll be the biggest ass tramp in the world sometime next week. Seriously. There's nothing he won't do to that little fuck hole for me, and I love it.

I do A. several times a week and that means devising three completely new role plays three to four times every week. We must have been through about a hundred of them. But we still manage to find new ways to be dirty. Mommy, daughter, teenage bitch, pre-teen slut, little cock tease with lots of really dirty elements. Stop apologizing all the time because I love playing with you and if you were a pain in the ass, I wouldn't be putting you in my journal. I like you. I really like you.

She's Watching Me

2005-11-20T02:15:22Z

Fuck it all, I have another stalker. That's right. A tiny blonde tit-less stalker. This one isn't lurking outside my window jacking off night and day, so hopefully I won't have to deal with jizz on my porch swing again. But stalkers are a monumental pain in the ass, jizz or no jizz.

That's her, right there. I know I'm highly addictive, but she's really carrying the obsession a little too far. She calls me up all hours of the night and day, usually mid-orgasm. Yeah, my name sounds good on her lips and all, but not when I'm trying to sleep. I keep expecting her used panties to pop up in the mail any day now. I am very open to suggestions on how to deal with her. Ideally, it should involve some type of bondage, maybe some spanking and lots of very large phallic objects crammed in every each of her holes. But, you know, I'm flexible.

Do I sound cranky? Blame it on the boondocks. I know I complained about New Orleans being a big, giant swamp but at least it had some perks. Baton Rouge does not qualify as a city. If I get a hankering for fried chicken or church, I'm all set, but otherwise there's nothing good to do here. Lauren and I wanted to go out dancing so one of my friends suggested we take a stab at The Texas Club. The doorman was a really odious little fucker, but I tried not to let that ruin my night. There were a few cute frat boys on the floor and one really yummy cowboy but his wenchy, clingy wife-type spoiled the eye candy effect. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't New Orleans and it had nothing on the Bay Area. I miss Ruby Skye and I really, really miss EndUp.

Oh and as long as I'm venting, let's talk mail. I've been getting at least one mis-delivery a day, and not just letters. Sometimes Hot-Dumb Mailguy leaves packages for the wrong people on my doorstep, too. Now, being the paragon of virtue I am, you know I would never dream of peeking in those boxes before I drop them off for re-delivery. But not everybody is so honest. And there have been all kinds of things that haven't made it to me. I can't help wondering which of my neighbors is sporting the scarlett and cream satin bra I ordered from a small internet boutique two weeks ago. I should have had them ship it UPS but I kind of thought I could giggle and hit on Hot-Dumb Mailguy when he delivered it. Well, now I'm ticked off and he's lost his big opportunity. No hot Sammie sex for the sexy but intellectually-challenged this week. Yes, this includes you, Briggie. Sorry, pumpkin. Oh and P.S. honey, if you sent me any panties via the USPS, my local panty boy is probably having a grand old time. Oh and by the way guys...my wish list presents are delivered to a friends house, so don't feel like you have to stop spoiling me now.

Speaking of which, I have been the happiest, most spoiled little bitch ever this month. I adore most of you guys to bits and pieces anyway. You don't have to spoil me with presents to gain my eternal love and devotion or anything, but damn, it sure doesn't hurt. In the past I've usually thanked my sugar daddies, gift-sluts and other generous souls privately because I don't want any of you to ever feel like you have to buy me things to make me happy. A big messy load of cum or a crazy hot role play makes me super smiley, too. But I like bragging and plus...to be honest, I'd hate to have the presents stop coming cause I seem ungrateful. Far better to seem greedy, I say. Insert coy little wink here.

First of all, somebody needs to step forward and claim credit and a whole lot of adoring kisses for the heavenly Lush gift pack. Come out, come out, wherever you are! How am I supposed to thank you for making me all princessy if you don't show yourself? I know the box will probably have your name on it when it arrives, but I'm impatient and I want to thank you now!

Hey Bobert, you need to come out and show yourself, too. I tried to send you a thank you e-mail but it bounced back to me. You can't just gift and run! I think you need at least 8 kisses for this book. I'm having such a great time reading it. I don't usually judge books by their titles, but I put The Bird Man and the Lap Dancer on my wish list because it was intriguing and sexy. And it's just as fun as the title makes it sound. In fact, one of the stories has given me an idea for a cuckold call. We're going to be stranded at a hotel on a rinky dinky Caribbean island. I'm so irritated with my new husband for capsizing the damn yacht that I keep ordering special room service. Every morning you wake up to find a new islander fucking your bride.

Mr. Christopher, it's a good thing you've been pampering me, because otherwise I'd have to lecture you for conspiring against me with the stalker. But eternal love and devotion doesn't really leave a lot of room for lecturing, does it? I look adorable in pigtails and my new cami set. I keep parading around in front of Lauren wearing that cause it always makes her wanna have fun girlie sex with me. Just think what you've done for the cause of girl-on-girl action! You're such a philanthropist. And the lavender linen water</a> is heavenly and one of my necessities. You like being part of my bedtime ritual don't you?

Herself the Sissy Elf has been lavishing me with all kinds of little treats for our spa days! She sent me a tube of my favorite mascara, a wax kit, diffusers for sweet smelling oils, 5 creamy candy bubble bars and a rock star soap. You can imagine how soft and smooth and pretty I am now. I love it when we get all dolled up together! Sissies give the best pedicures.

Mmmm...Daddy Trent, I'm gonna climb up on your lap and throw my arms around your neck! The perfume is utterly girly, fresh, delicious and perfect. Just like your me, right, Daddy? From now on, no more spankings for me! If this is how you treat me when I'm good, I'll have to seem obedient more often. I might not be able to behave but I'll be extra special careful not to get caught...

Okay, I pinched myself and it's still true. The Cad himself deigned to buy me not one present, but two. What was that line about being far too jaded to get wrapped around any pretty young thing's finger? Haha. Shattering your delusions has been such a joy. I'm going to have myself a good laugh every time I flip through one of my magazines and sip my chai. Maybe I should pitch another faux fit just to get more goodies. They're ever so nice...thank you!

Half pint, you do such a fabulous of anticipating all my needs. I know you fretted for ages over what to get me and honestly, the cooler was perfect. You were right about the power outages and also, I plan on taking plenty of road trips to get me out of this pit until I get a chance to move. So thank you very much, little one. You've done a stellar job, again.

Finally...Mr Incognito, I know you don't like journal mentions so I'll keep this brief. Eeeee! Thank you!

I also want to do some shoutouts for calls, too, but I already felt like I've written a novel here so I'll do that first thing in the morning. Promise!

Does anybody actually believe that?

Goodbye, God, I'm Going to Baton Rouge

2005-10-12T00:12:20Z

Somebody seriously needs to stop Lauren. For those of you a little out of the loop, Lauren is my new roommate, another deviant redhead and a former phone sex operator. Technically she's supposed to start phone fucking again any day now, but she hasn't gotten that together yet. Anyway, she's pretty luscious. But the bitch cannot, can absolutely not sing. And if she insists on trying, I shouldn't have to be subjected to it.

Yesterday she & I were driving home from a mediocre lunch in her cute little Mustang. That You're The One That I Want song from Grease comes on the radio and she asks me if I want to be Olivia Newton-John or John Travolta. Um, neither, fuck you very much. Olivia had this creepy passive cow look going on throughout the whole movie & I hold John Travola's scientology against him in a rabid way. So she bats my hand away when I try to flip the radio station and starts crooning to me in very scary Lauren key. Now I'm generally a big fan of sexy sluts shaking their booties in my direction, but this time was an exception. There was something slightly manic about her gyrating in my direction as she was driving us down the street.

I think she's having sex withdrawals. She's really picky when it comes to guys she'll fuck in person, almost as picky as me. When we went out drinking later last night, I tried to pawn her off in three guys to get her a good hard cock. She wasn't having any of it. If she ever gets her ass on Phone Sex Utopia, like she's supposed to, you guys are going to have to fuck her good and hard for me. Please.

I think I've told you all before what a crush I have on the ever sexy BigJoe, right? Well, that crush just doubled. Mostly because he just dropped a huge donation on Red Cross and there's nothing sexier than a man with a conscience. (Well, there's one thing sexier, but this isn't about me and how hot I am. I must remember that). But in addition to that, Joe has promised me some really crazy hot phone fucking on Halloween, the culmination of all the phone sex specials Phone Sex Utopia is hosting this month. Cheap phone sex & dirty sluts in costume, what more could a boy want?

Brigitte is about to re-do the Sinful Phone Slut web page this week. Yes, it's still going to be full spectrum phone sex site with pictures and voice clips and all those other things you like, but um, it's going to be even more special. Don't ask me how, ask Brig how. And tell her to hurry up. God love her, but she is the laziest phone slut ever.

You know what I discovered this week? There's a very good reason the boys line up around the block for their turn to fuck Miss Mia. She is just that good! I've fucked her before, don't get me wrong, but I always forget just what a talented phone fuck that sexy thing is! We had a very good time sharing every inch of our little Stevie slut's body. I love the way he sounds when he's getting fucked on both ends...one by a fat dildo and the other by the perfect ass smothering his face. That's one toy I will never, ever get tired of playing with.

The Gregs are so good to me. First I also found out my fur loving Greg is doing well and has his special blonde all moved into his new place with him. You know how turned on I get when we start masturbating with fur jackets and angora sweaters until we cream all over them, but it's also wonderful just to chit chat and catch up with each other, like we did last time. I'm so happy things are going well for you. I'm sending a couple of adoring kisses your way, darlin!

Then I got to play with slutty Greg who I hadn't gotten to fuck in a long time. He's a blast to control and he has such tasty little reactions. Makes me want to use him as my toy all day long!

I was just complaining to Erika that there hadn't been enough good cock cam to go around lately. Ask
and ye shall receive. One of my favorite hot-cocked men gave me a great show Saturday afternoon to satisfy my craving and then I got even MORE Wolfie dick on Monday. Seriously, I felt like a cheerleader again watching him jerk off. I wanted to whip out my pom poms, but my fingers were just a little too busy.

And then sexy anal whore Frankie decided to give me a dirty fuck show, too! He didn't get to fuck his slutty ass this time because he didn't have a dildo around. I was shocked! But we're going to rectify that and I've been promised a really good ass slamming show soon. I can't wait. We need to get you all kinds of stretched out, Frankie!

I'm a sucker for compliments. I love knowing that everybody else thinks I'm as fabulous as I do. Every now and then I worry that my ego is raging out of control and then some sweet guy lets me know I'm entitled. This last week it was EC. We got to play twice this week and I have to say, it was such a fun, inventive role-play where I got turned into a certain super-heroine. After the first time, he sent me the most complimentary e-mail that had me smiling for hours. E thank you from both me & the Ego that Ate the South. Did I tell you that I looked pictures of her up on google? I can't believe I'd never heard of her but her fan following was huge. They helped me get my grunts & growls right for the transformation.

I'm the boss's daughter and I'm an entitled, lazy raging bitch. I prance around the office in my role as intern and get off on ordering people around. Or...I did. Until Mark found those pictures of me blowing the groundskeeper. He knew if he ratted me out to Daddy, I'd finally get sent away to reform school. So the bastard blackmailed me into being his little cumwhore. Blackmail is such a sexy word. God, I came so hard.

Later I was a bubbly 15 year old virgin who was insanely curious about the fuckings I kept hearing my sister get from her boyfriend! I'm not entirely sure who seduced who (insert coy giggle here) but shortly after my sister left I had her boyfriend's cock stretching open my little virgin hole! It hurt a bit at first, but I loved it! Especially the way he reacted when he watched those firm teenage tits bouncing around in his face. I have to do that again! He was soooooooo hot!

A new fellow called me up Saturday morning for cockstroking instruction. Have I told you lately that I love directed masturbation? If you've ever played with me, you don't need me to tell you. I love being in control. And I had D's big cock twisted all around my little pinky by the time I was done with him. I count my victories in gasps, moans and pleadings. You sound fucking incredible when you're breathless and begging for permission to explode, D. Next time, I think I may need to draw that begging part out even longer!

Jeff and I spent some time swapping all our lascivious threesome stories & details. I love the way he says, "Yeeeaaah?" when I tell him something particularly dirty. It's so fucking hot it makes me want to go out and rack up even more dirty stories just to titillate him. Yum!

I like the way they grow cocks in New York. They must having a hot boy factory that keeps churning out sexy playmates because I've been getting a lot of really fun New Yorkers lately. My favorite new one is Rick who not only has a voice that makes my panties wet but fucks like a dream, too.

I've had several guys ask me if they're the dirtiest call I've ever done and I've had to tell them no. There is one man, the reigning prince of nasty, and he knows who he is. He doesn't even have to ask. Mmmm...it was fucking fantastic talking to you again on Friday, Mr. Nasty! Congratulations to you & the fiance. She has no idea what she's in for...and I am so jealous!

I posted a special a week ago for any guy who wanted to involve fire ants in our call. And KK took me up on it three times. I had so much fun helping him torture his girlfriend with fireants that I think I finally have it out of my system. Then again...I could always be proven wrong. I'm always a sucker for good screams.

Mr. Not-My-Slut-Wife JC just called and made himself my first cum of the day. He almost spoils me for all others when he does that. He knows each of my buttons intimately and he pushes them perfectly. Afterward, I lay in bed and played one more time, giving myself another orgasm with the echo of his voice still fresh.

I spent 2 hours turning a very burly businessman into one of the most delectable sissies you ever did see. After taking him down to the beauty parlor for a full wax and hot oil rub, I made him change into a white muslin sissy training dress with a poufy pink bow sash. And my little sissy doll filled out that dress like a dream. See, when it comes to phone sex feminization tits are a key element. Angie's jiggly 'D' tits were just the perfect match for her body. I did finally allow Angie one shuddering orgasm at the end of 2 hours of training, but she has a looot of homework for the weekend. I can't wait to see the results.

Alan is a very naughty boy. His wife finally lets him out of the chastity belt he's been tucked away in for 2 weeks and what does he do? He comes running to me to give me all the gooey cum his balls have built up. I don't think his wife would be very happy. But why should I care? I got to hear the little slut cum hard while he was eating me out. That's good enough for me!

Sissy Training School

2005-10-02T07:43:26Z

Sissy Training School Phone Sex:
A sissy and phone sex and me must be a match made in heaven. I've gotten to play with five of my favorite "special girls" today. I've been brainstorming lots of forced sissification ideas lately, and I even have lesson plans made out for some of my favorite frilly sissies. Oh and judging by Jody's behavior, a cuckold and sissy and phone sex and me is an even more enchanting combination. I wonder how long it will take poor Jody to recover from standing by the bed, decked out like a cheerleader, being forced to chant cheers encouraging me and my black stud to fuck even harder...

Have you seen The Brat's latest journal post? The first words out of her mouth were about me. I swear, I am always on her mind. I think she's addicted to me. You boys can relate, right? We did a call this morning where she was my baby sister who I caught seducing my boyfriend at his birthday party. Not only did I beat her pre-teen ass until it was a pretty bright pink, I also stuffed a candle up inside her pussy. She had to sing happy birthday to my boyfriend while that flame burned closer and closer to her cunt. Those frantic shrieks were positively musical.

I spent the better part of a really hot hour listening to Todd fuck himself with 11 inches of dick. Now you only have 7 inches to go, sweetcheeks. You can cram the rest of it in there, right? It was so good talking to him again. I go through withdrawals when it's too long. I think I was a little rougher with him than I've ever been, but he seemed to eat it up.

Yesterday I also got to phone fuck sultry, honey-skinned Hannah. I know that sounds melodramatic, like I'm the ringleader of a big circus announcing her entrance with a bull-horn. But look at her. She is honey-skinned and she's the walking, talking definition of sultry. So anyway, she got to play my sister and we were punished by my husband for being such pious, uptight bitches. It's funny thinking of me as pious, isn't it? It cracked me up hearing her call my husband the devil. Doesn't she know I'm the devil?

Dean totally knows the way to my heart. Well there are a lot of ways and frankly, the fastest is probably a ruby tennis bracelet. I am, above all else, a spoiled bitch. But the second fastest way is a bisexual phone sex orgy with one of my friends. No, I haven't coaxed him into taking cock yet. He did share Kimmy with me and that was plenty good enough. Girl crushes are very good things, aren't they?

Anatomically Correct Erika Voodoo Doll

2005-09-30T20:00:47Z

Yes, I am going through Erika withdrawals, too. Thanks for asking. I think I'm going to drive up to New Orleans, now that they're starting to open it back up and try to find some kind of voodoo charm to bring my favorite kinky,titalicious phone sex slut back from the dead. I wonder if they'll make me an anatomically correct voodoo doll of her? If so, I'm going to be spending a lot of hours molesting it.

I shouldn't joke about voodoo too much. Lauren and I went and saw The Skeleton Key a few weeks ago and it kind of creeped me out. It didn't seem to bother me much at the time we watched it. I thought it was entertaining but utterly predictable. But ever since then the idea of hoodoo is creeping me out and I keep eyeing all these cajuns more warily than normal. What if one of them wants to hijack the Sinful body? I could totally see that happening.

Bobknob, the bukake fiend with the monster cock, has been especially good to me this week. He squirted his cum all over me three times and then he went out and bought the Sims 2 Nightlife Expansion Pack from my wishlist. I am so going to make me a Bobknob Sim once it gets here and he's going to be a real player. He's going to have 30 telephones scattered around his house so he can call me up for cum-drenched phone fucking all the time. Actually Bobknob Sim can just show up and WooHoo me in the princess bed. I think that would be even better. Can I be a bukake whore and still keep the princess sheets clean? We're going to have to discuss that because clean princess sheets are imperative.

Eek Fire Ants

2005-09-30T12:45:53Z

Last Saturday was very traumatic and it's all the dog's fault. It was dumping buckets of rain from the periphery of Hurricane Rita. But I don't mind going out in the rain because I have a fancy umbrella courtesy of a small dick humiliation caller. Well the little rat bastard is out there prancing around and taking his sweet time and then all of a sudden he slips his collar and makes a beeline for the bottom of the house. He worked his way deep into the freaky-looking crawlspace and started barking and whining. I spent about close to an hour trying to cajole, order and trick him into coming back out. I was barely dressed, utterly drenched and getting really worried about him. The underside of this house has all kinds of mysterious pipe-type things lurking under there and I thought maybe he was stuck in one and getting asphyxiated. So finally I decide I need to shimmy my ass under the house and drag him out. By this time I am one pouty phone slut, on the verge of tears and chock full of self pity I get down on my hands and knees and start to gingerly creep in when I feel something unpleasant. I look down and I am crawling with fire-ants.

Now I'm all for phone sex torture (call me, I'll show you) but the real kind is just not nice. Fire ants swarm you and then they all attack at once. I had these huge welts all over and they hurt but what was worse was they itched like the devil, too. Spanking welts are much nicer because they look pretty and they don't itch. I was starting to rip the clothes off my body before I was even all the way inside. Luckily there's a shower right next to the side door. I had been wondering what kind of crazy hillbilly thought that was an appropriate bathing location but apparently it was a hillbilly who knew a thing or two about fire-ants.

I had to go back outside to holler at the dog for subjecting me to all that trauma but he still wouldn't come back out. I finally heard something hissing and figured out why he was under there. So I left him to munch on that cat, or whatever it was, and went back inside to pout. I missed an hour call with one of my favorite fucktoys, too. He was waiting for me with a giant dildo and a finger of ginger. So much for the ass figging that was on the agenda. The dog sauntered out a couple hours later and I found him on the porch calmly waiting to come back in.

Bastard.

Then the little heathen faked an injury to his paw which meant I couldn't really hold much of a grudge. He looked so pitiful hobbling around the house, not putting any weight on his front paw, that I had to coddle him even though I was really the innocent party. I found out the next day that he was exaggerating the extent of the injury. I kid you not. He would, putting no weight on his right front paw, whenever he was in my eyesight. When he'd get about six feet away from me or turn a corner, he'd start trotting on all fours again. I think he's almost as devious as I am. That's a scary thought.

Okay, so here's the deal. This is a very limited special that's only intended to give me a chance to work out my lingering fire-ant issues. Do you have somebody you'd like to see me torment? Do you know a bratty babysitter, slutty student or a teenage cocktease? Maybe your hot mom or your slut wife or your bitchy boss? Let me rape & torture them and maybe even sprinkle some fireants in for good measure. I'll give you five free minutes on any call length (can't be combined with any other special). This phone sex special is good for the next week.

And speaking of phone sex specials, Phone Sex Utopia will be hosting The October Fuck Fest for the next month. There will be other specials, a different one for each day of the week. So if rape and torture isn't your gig, I'm sure we can come up with some other kinky topic.

Quick Update

2005-09-19T06:15:27Z

Every day for the last week I keep going back to this painting that I desperately wanted to buy. I was going to bid on it when it got closer to the end date, but I was out of town in Lafayette and the timing was off. I keep going back to it and looking at it. I wonder whose house it’s hanging in and whether they adore it as fiercely as I do.

I was going to talk about New Orleans. I was going to explain why, even though I complained about the cockroaches and the layers of humidity and the grunge and the Stroker, I still miss it. But there are plenty of people talking about it who explain it better than I do, and even that painting explains it better than any words I could corral together.

I should have posted in here earlier to tell you all that I’m fine. I appreciate the concern and the sweetness a lot of you have shown. I am completely okay and I don’t need help but there are still a lot of people that do. I know some of you remember that sexy tart Lauren from KBW. She and I are sharing a rental outside of Baton Rouge for awhile. She lost everything she owns except a bag of clothes, her car and a laptop. She’s still one of the lucky ones, but she could always use some help trying to put things back together. If you want to do a call and send either 50% or 100% of the profits to her, please just make a note of that in the comments section of a call you buy with me and tell me you’re doing it. It would be really appreciated.

I’m not going to talk about this any more here because this doesn’t feel like the right forum for me. I’ll be posting a separate entry later, maybe with some shallow ramblings and some shout outs.

Correction

2005-04-04T06:19:54Z

The 3/28/05 entry contains a small omission in the story of the Todd incident. We forgot to mention that the first thirty minutes of the call was spent with the Sinful Phone Slut being tormented, paddled, pinched and teased to distraction. There was one point when she was practically begging not to be forced to rip the nipple clamps off. The Sinful Phone Slut regrets any confusion or distress this unintentional error may have caused. Any mein got, but I learned my lesson about crowing about revenge. Apparently the inside of my thighs have that same intense sensitivity. Yikes!

I will be revising this entry soon with lots more information & scintillating stories but I had to put that in real fast because I might get in trouble if those details weren't cleared up in a timely fashion.

The Pillow Rules

2005-03-28T12:00:17Z

Some people make sleeping so much more difficult than it needs to be. I’m the princess, I sleep in the princess bed, I have princess pillow privileges. What’s so difficult about that? Yes, there are 6 pillows on my bed and you know what? All six of them are staying. Just because I let some lucky fellow share it with me – a fellow, I might add, who displays a shocking lack of gratitude – doesn’t mean I’m giving up the pillows. It’s a big bed…make room. Besides, I’m about a third of the size of his body so my pillows can take up the extra space I leave. Doesn’t that seem fair? Each one has a different texture and unique advantages. I might wake up in the middle of the night and decide I want something a smidge softer and it had better be right there waiting for me.

Also if and when we stay at a hotel and we’re stuck with only four pillows, I get a bare minimum of three. If I have to make do with just two I will wake up very cranky. Nobody’s going to enjoy that, I promise.

And yes, I kick in my sleep. Maybe it hurts, maybe it bruises you a little bit, hell, maybe I even seem unnecessarily vicious even when I’m not awake. But again, sleeping with me is a privilege and I think a little pain is to be expected. Don’t you boys agree?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Come on, bitch.”

His teeth are gritted, his body is dripping with clothespins and slathered with welts, and his nipples are throwing a major hissy fit. Oh, did I mention he has a giant dildo crammed up his ass? We’ve been playing for an hour, but he hasn’t managed to eke out an orgasm yet. Or rather, I haven’t let him. I’m working on my fourth and I promised him that he could cum after I finish this one. I’m trying very hard to hold mine off just a little bit longer and he seems to be taking this poorly.

Aw, poor Todd. You look even better in pink than I do! I could get used to this reciprocation business. You really shouldn’t have made me sing. When you get a chance, darlin’, let me know how that sweet spot on the inside of your thigh is doing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I’ve been having so much wicked fun lately. This fun includes: Lindsey Lohan & the best damn roleplayer this side of the Mississippi, a very MEAN (but delicious) Daddy, that poor “client” of mine who gets screwed out his money every time, a prancing purple-clad Panty Boy, Joe & a special friend he picked out for us, the nasty Professor Piss Pig and this really pathetic little cuckold. Ohhh and then there’s what I did to Ben. Are you ready for a second helping, baby?

Special: Those of you who listened to my rant are going to get a special. ;) 5 minutes free with a 15 minute call or 10 minutes free with a 30. Good all this week! </b>

How Am I Killing Them?

2005-03-21T10:01:33Z

I can't figure out why the hell my rabbit vibrators keep breaking. I got this pretty luscious pink one about a month or so ago from little short stuff and it's already winding down. I've already got a new one on the way thanks to The Divine Joey but I'm going to have to an awful lot of pouting between now and when it arrives. It would really help if you all would remind me how good I look when I pout. That's such a nice silver lining.

I just finished a call with a brand new fella. He had this absolutely scrumptious accent (I'm a sucker for those) and he sounded so fucking hot when he killed me. Yay!

Oh and T. if you're out there...I picked out what I'd like you to sing for me. You are gonna sound so precious!

I know mini updates are a disappointment, but surely it's a sign of things to come?

Good Taste, Bad Taste

2005-02-15T14:08:16Z

Hey, I moved. I'm at http://www.phonesexutopia.com now. Online billing should be up soon, with the same rate of $2 minute. In the meantime, feel free to instant message me if you want to do a call.

AOL: Samantha4Sin
Yahoo: SamanthaMade4Sin

I watched "The Killing Fields" this week, on the recommendation of one of my favorite customers. I'm even finally starting to plow my way through Truman on his recommendation, which is one big fat book to be reading in the middle of semester. I have much love for both. Paul gives good recommendations, unlike a certain blue-haired moppet who is never allowed to recommend anything to me ever again. My Own Private Idaho, Kevin? What the holy fuck?? Don't issue anymore suggestions, pumpkin. Just go back to cheerfully licking my toes. There's a good boy.

I plan on updating more later today, but somebody just issued a stern lecture about the need for me to post. Apparently, it was dire that I post right this second.

My Version of Hell

2005-01-25T07:41:31Z

The people responsible for Fear Factor
Circle I Limbo

Avid RVers
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

The Dallas Cowboys
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Erika
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Fox "News" pundits
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

All the horn-happy motherfuckers who have ever honked at me
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Those of you who take Erika's side over mine
Circle VII Burning Sands

Dittoheads
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Karl Rove & his little fuckpuppet
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Damn It

2005-01-24T17:33:09Z

Give me your damn AIM name, Todd.

Extortion

2005-01-14T12:47:53Z

I think I'm being extorted.

See I mentioned to Todd a few weeks back that I had this journal entry I had started about a gajillion times. I kept forgetting to post it and adding to it and finally I just decided it was too big & unwieldy and I'd go another 6-8 months without an entry. But Todd has cruelly announced that he is withholding the fuckage until I post something here. So here is at least the beginning of that long abandoned entry:

I look pretty good in pink, when my cheeks are flushed from a good hard fuck, and I'm positively lickable when I'm all candy-striped from a few playful swats. But I think I look best of all in red. And, apparently, so does TL. He treated me to something very special this morning: an entire hour of spanking, paddling and whipping, sprinkled with laughter, a little bit of begging and a lot of orgasms. I think he may have finally topped the whippin' a certain blonde goddess gave me this summer. And yes, Bess, that is a challenge. Care to take up the gauntlet?

Okay, now may I please be fucked?

Oops

2004-12-08T10:56:55Z

It's 5:24am.

Am I stumbling home, all liquored up, fresh from a good fuck? No such luck tonight. Am I plodding through my shoddy class notes, trying to scrounge together enough salient points to finish up the essay for my take home final? Uh uh. It's a fine idea, though - I need to get to work on that.

I'm actually just sitting here suffering through a rather horrifying Sixteen Candles moment and trying to figure out how to worm my way out of trouble. I just realized that yesterday was one of my best friend's birthdays. Oops.

I think I'll blame this one on Erika. I've been evading her instant messages for a few days now, and it's mentally exhausting. She keeps hounding me to update this thing (I'll be doing that later today). She makes it damn difficult to be a lazy slut. How can I be expected to focus on birthdays when I'm constantly having to concoct plausible excuses for my procrastination?

Thanksgiving

2004-11-30T11:26:56Z

Erika is cracking down on my lazy ass. She has issued this edict that I start updating my journal on a regular basis and, apparently, she plans to monitor my entries and mock them mercilessly. But hey, she's cute and sexy when she mocks me, and kind of scary when she's cracking down on me - tberry can vouch for this - so you'll be seeing a lot more of me here.

The upside of all this intense labor is that John will finally spank me! Yay! He's been holding out on me until I wrote something here and last week's three sentence masterpiece was not up to his lofty standards. I'm on paragraph two already so this one should qualify. Now I just need to pick out the panties for the grand affair. Demure white lace bikini? Uberslut crimson satin thong? Or the candy apple cotton panties with the block black letters that say "Yummy"? I feel like I'm picking out my prom dress all over again. I'm so excited! In case you're wondering, the prom dress was a rather tartish, red number.

Thanksgiving dinner was an interesting meal and when I say interesting, I mean absolutely revolting. Next year I'll stay home and eat strawberry jello slathered with whipped cream. Turkey and I are not on speaking (or eating) terms, and expect to stay that way for a very long time. Thank you, Picadilly. I did spend the day with one of my best friends so that periodically distracted me from the scary, horrid no good food. I still might have preferred some good yams, though.

Plea

2004-11-25T01:43:34Z

Don't refer to Thanksgiving as Turkey Day. Oh, and don't gobble.

Thank you.